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08 September 2008 @ 10:32 pm

i'm eliminating all foods. i seem to look up every excuse not to eat foods. back in january i started incorporating high fiber into my diet...hey at least if i'm gonna binge it's going to be healthy. then, i eliminated dairy. i ate soy cheese and dairy free waffles and all that other vegan goodness. then i saw benefits of fruits and veggies and tried to eat more of those and tried to refrain from eating anything processed or bread and so on. now i've been looking up food combining. what you should eat with what, what times of the day you should do it. it's good it keeps me on schedule. but i can see that i am slowly looking for excuses of just not to eat. i'm bad at not eating. im not entirely anorexic. i started off bulimic. goddd this whole thing is so stressful and absorbs my whole life! even at work i'm constantly on nutrition websites. i'm just neurotic about nutrition? food is all i think about and all i talk about. drunk...sober....i constantly talk about weight. well, at least i'm losing weight. fuck i want to just quit eating.

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17 August 2008 @ 06:41 pm

( beware food is mentioned )

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25 May 2008 @ 12:53 am

it is so crazy how much i worry about food. these constant mind games.

i think more about how i will go about not eating tomorrow, more than worrying about how i will get to work, or if everyone i love is ok....... food controls me. i think too hard about it.

im going to arizona next week to visit old friends and some family. im afraid if i eat one thing i will blow up.......im afraid if i dont eat anything my body will turn to fat......i cant win

for the first time ever i can look in the mirror and see my ribs are coming through. im getting a divit (i think thats what it is) in between my ribs....... but ana will continue to control my life. i love you ana. keep me thin. keep me frail. i like being called a feather sometimes. i feel more like a lady.

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28 April 2008 @ 09:23 pm

eat less....no more binge/purge...

today.
iced chai
iced green tea latte....i work at starbucks. im addicted

half a lemon

a few strawberries

half a yogurt

some vodka/sugar free redbull

its been under 600 calories for sure. tomorrow im aiming for under 400.

so perfect, i have work at 645-3. i can go without eating. or snack on strawberries if im hungry. no chais!!! no drinks!! just water!!!! then i get to go back at 10 until 2am. so when i get off...gym time. can burn about 600 calories. total i should burn more calories than ingested. please please., im going to try baby food too. i need to see how many calories are in those suckers.

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06 March 2008 @ 04:10 pm

i think the guy im dating notices whats wrong.how tho? im fat. why when i say "i went to the gym for 3 hours yesterrday and an hour and a half today" he replies to me... "ya, but you still have to eat"...what the hell does that mean? does he know? when we were drunk i made a huge deal about eating pizza. and i was like im not eating that. its so bad for you. and i gave him shit for it. he only had one slice and i think i made him feel really bad. im fucked up.

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12 February 2008 @ 08:58 pm

what is this?? 3 posts in the last 10 minutes

i need to fast. i cant even count calories. i wrote down my calories all day on my hand. it disgusts me i haven even hit 500. just that number. yuuccck. god i need to stop beeing such a piggy. i need to drink away my sorrows with diet coke and bacardi (zero cal!! =D) thats the only thing that cheers me up.

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12 February 2008 @ 08:55 pm

i may sound like im starving for attention, but once again i seriously feel disgusted with 450 calories. i need to purge i cant even type that number.

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12 February 2008 @ 05:39 pm

today. 500 cals.

so far im at 225. i haven't had dinner yet, but im planning on some corn and green beans (very low cal) i might do soup instead, but the corn and green beans will be just as good. ill save the soup for tomorrow. i had peach tea at work (zero cal), a wrap (350 calories) but i only ate half and i dont eat the egg or bacon, so im guessing that was maybe 150? i know bacons got a lot! i had half a green tea latte, but i do extra hot water and a touch of soy (normally 160, i do 1/3 the syrup so thats already just 120 and only had half so im thinking 70 max!)
70+0+150 im approx 225. but corn and green beans each have like 60 cals or somethin (and thats a cup) i wont be eatin that much. ya, im guaranteed to stay below the 500 even tho everything is approx.

tomorrow i will be home all day!! (no work) so im going to do some jump roping, tan, take a bath, maybe walk up to the store, maybe get my hair done. anotherr 500 cal or less tomorrow, ill have salad if i get hungry, so far im going strong!! =D

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11 February 2008 @ 09:53 pm

abc diet...what a breeze

daaang. i can do this!!!

Day 1: 500 calories(or less)
Day 2: 500 calories
Day 3:300 calories
Day 4:400 calories
Day 5: 100 calories
Day 6: 200 calories
Day7: 300 calories
Day 8: 400 calories
Day 9: 500 calories
Day 10: FAST
Day 11: 150 calories
Day 12: 200 calories
Day 13: 400 calories
Day 14: 350 calories
Day 15: 250 calories
Day 16: 200 calories
Day 17: FAST
Day 18: 200 calories
Day 19: 100 calories
Day 20: FAST
Day 21: 300 calories
Day 22: 250 calories
Day 23: 200 calories
Day 24: 150 calories
Day 25: 100 calories
Day 26: 50 calories
Day 27: 100 calories
Day 28: 200 calories
Day 29: 200 calories
Day 30: 300 calories
Day 31: 800
Day 32: FAST
Day 33: 250 calories
Day 34: 350 calories
Day 35: 450 calories
Day 36: FAST
Day 37: 500 calories
Day 38: 450 calories
Day 39: 400 calories
Day 40: 350 calories
Day 41: 300 calories
Day 42: 250 calories
Day 43: 200 calories
Day 44: 200 calories
Day 45: 250 calories
Day 46: 200 calories
Day 47: 300 calories
Day 48: 200 calories
Day 49: 150 calories
Day 50: FAST

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11 February 2008 @ 09:53 pm

thinspo poem, stole from someone else =)

Diet pills and bottled water,

Thinking thin and breathe in tighter.

No regrets you want to make it,

Staying strong, no need to fake it.

Tone that tummy, arms and thighs,

Starving on to feel that high.

Using thinspo everday, making sure you do not stray

Look in the mirror, just waiting for that dream.

Everyday your goal gets clearer,

Another pound down, another step nearer.

Feeling so lonely hurt and broken

"STAY STRONG, STARVE ON"

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11 February 2008 @ 09:17 pm

today i h ad a bowl of cereal and a banana. when i got home from the gym i ate a side portion of green beans and corn. i couldnt even eat the chicken. then i ate a bunch of raisins. i feel so gross!! i hate so much!!! my mom tells me at least im eating healthy but i dont want to eat it. i hate feeling full!!!! i love the feeling of an empty stomach. tomorrows goal....my mom is dropping me off at work earlier than i need to be tehre. i am either thinking....a banana or oatmeal? but now im eharing banans are bad, so maybe i shouldnt eat them anymore. i just want to keep losing weight! i dont want to stop! tomorrows plan......

tea! thats all. green ginger or zen. dont fucken eat you fatty!!!!! you've lost 20 pounds and are at 125 now. your going to gym you've been eating nutrious foods, its time to stop eating all together. you dont even eat meat you dont eat white flour. all you have been eating is salads fruits and vegetables and whole grain. dont be a fool. dont fall for it!! you dont need it!!!!! people used to go several days with out eating. you can do it too!!

k had to give myself a pep talk =) i hope this works. tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea.

i have removed the following foods from my eating habits...
mexican food soda cheese bread (only whole grain), no white flour, no enriched flour, no processed foods, meat basically, except for salmon, no candy,

so my weeknesses...
raisins, ghardettos, energy drinks, alcohol. i shouldnt have any. i will start by quiting the ghardettos. we will move forward from there. tomorrow is a new day. breathe. tomorrow will be ok. i will not eat i will not eat i will not eat. i will not drink a green tea latte i will not make a drink at work unless it is tea or water. no no no no no. i will not binge on fruit. i will not binge on raisins. dont fucken do it!

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11 February 2008 @ 09:17 pm

today i h ad a bowl of cereal and a banana. when i got home from the gym i ate a side portion of green beans and corn. i couldnt even eat the chicken. then i ate a bunch of raisins. i feel so gross!! i hate so much!!! my mom tells me at least im eating healthy but i dont want to eat it. i hate feeling full!!!! i love the feeling of an empty stomach. tomorrows goal....my mom is dropping me off at work earlier than i need to be tehre. i am either thinking....a banana or oatmeal? but now im eharing banans are bad, so maybe i shouldnt eat them anymore. i just want to keep losing weight! i dont want to stop! tomorrows plan......

tea! thats all. green ginger or zen. dont fucken eat you fatty!!!!! you've lost 20 pounds and are at 125 now. your going to gym you've been eating nutrious foods, its time to stop eating all together. you dont even eat meat you dont eat white flour. all you have been eating is salads fruits and vegetables and whole grain. dont be a fool. dont fall for it!! you dont need it!!!!! people used to go several days with out eating. you can do it too!!

k had to give myself a pep talk =) i hope this works. tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea tea.

i have removed the following foods from my eating habits...
mexican food soda cheese bread (only whole grain), no white flour, no enriched flour, no processed foods, meat basically, except for salmon, no candy,

so my weeknesses...
raisins, ghardettos, energy drinks, alcohol. i shouldnt have any. i will start by quiting the ghardettos. we will move forward from there. tomorrow i

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05 February 2008 @ 10:18 pm

The 5 Days Miracle Diet

Eat within thirty minutes of waking, unless exercising, stretch to forty-five minutes.

Breakfast:
eat starch such as wheat toast or egg whites.

Snack:
eat hard-chew snack like an apple or celery. It promises to release sugar slowly into the bloodstream.

Lunch:
eat before 1 P.M. and only protein and vegetables. No carbs.

Dinner:
eat before 8P.M. and consume protein and veggies.

hmmmm this could work

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27 January 2008 @ 03:47 pm

so how is everyone? its been a while since a post. i have completely cut cheese out of my diet!!! yaaaaaayyy i scored on that one!

so i have stopped eating it for like a week now, so hopefully soon ill start being able to tell. i was the girl that loves the cheese and crackers. hurray for no cheese!! sorry just am really excited! =D

soon i can fast, because the cheese was what always broke me.

so i have dropped the 20 since i created this thing, but im wanting to drop 10 more pounds. ya think i can do that just by fasting? any ideas or tips? its these last few pounds i think will be harder to shed.

thank you =)

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12 January 2008 @ 03:55 pm

today is day 1 of my fast...if it counts. i began the morning with a slice of turkey bacon and egg white. it was a very small size breakfast, but im full. and i feel ready to begin fasting, so for the rest of the day i will. im going to work. ill bring some raisins just incase i slip, but if i get hungry ill drink some green ginger from work.

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01 December 2007 @ 12:52 am

non ed related but i need help!

theres a guy i have been talking to this guy recently....he is friends with some coworkers of mine. we met about 4 months ago and about 2 weeks ago he found me on myspace. (after running into each other at work and what not...we haven't talked since the first time we hung out....when we were both drunk and hooked up). my myspace is veiwable by anyone, and he added me....basically, he wanted me to know he was there i am guessing? anyways...i messaged him a few days after. we have hung out a couple times. one night he said his night would've been better if we would've hung out....we finally hung out for the first time since the hook up a few days after that. we held hands, went to my place and ended up hooking up again...then he came over late after work....we hooked up again. well i was going to ask do you think this guy just wants a hook up? hahaha but i just examined what i wrote and now i can see it is just that. but i think hes cute and i like him...what could i possibly do to turn things around? i mean the relationship started like i said with us hooking up the FIRST night. i hear he isnt usually like that....i know he is attracted to me..... wat should i do to prevent this from being just a friends with benefit? any ideas??

i hope everyone had a great day and kept those calories low! =)

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24 October 2007 @ 09:47 pm

i have been hooking up with my bosses brother.... its a little strange. we hooked up once back about 3 months ago and he found me on myspace. i thought we would maybe be dating, but i dont really know where this is going. we still hang out frequently, but we really dont have too much in common.l maybe that is because there is too much sexual chemistry we dont care to talk???im not sure if that is good or bad. well at least i have been much happier lately.... i got laid!! =) i swear its the truth it really improved my attitude especially since getting a dui. which is half the reason my weight is dropping so quickly. well all in all life is good. im sipping on some gallo wine....i know i know wine is filling, but i normally pee it all out by morning. i think i should be alright. awwwe my bosses brother is so efffing hotttttt

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24 October 2007 @ 06:19 pm

yay! my mom just told me i may not have to go for pizza. thats good. and i read my horoscope in this months bazaar

libra:.....This is a time to increase your inner strength as well as your self-confidence.

good stuff =) have a nice night ladies i gotta go.

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02 October 2007 @ 07:36 am

just g ot back from the gym. i wish i could've done more but i wore a hoodie and velor pants and got too hot. oh well i didnt do too bad. did the stair master and treadmill at an incline of 4 and speed of 4. not bad im only 5'2. i just ate an egg white. luckily they are only around 16 calories. im hungry but maybe its because i had to get up so early this morning. i'm trying to do what i can to keep myself from eating anymore. i'm going to do laundry. i need something to distract me.

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01 October 2007 @ 07:39 pm

today i did well. i started off this morning eating left over fries...i know its bad, but i knew i would be at work (starbucks) all day and i didnt want to feel temptation of eating those breakfast sandwiches or pastries. or even drinks. i did start the day off with stretches and some at home work outs so i felt comfortable. i had lots of water and a hot zen green tea. for my lunch i had a salad at subway. the chicken one has only 140 calories. and i got cucumbers carrots and spinach. it was good and filling. not too shabby for a fast food place. i feel like i succesfully completed today. i went to the gym for about 45 minutes. i know i should've went longer but im still starting and my body can only handle it for so long. im not comfortable with myself yet to do the resistance training but hopefullyl soon. im going to get a personal trainer and i will drop 20 pounds...hopefully within 2 months.i look at this picture of nicole on my default and it makes me want to be skinnier even more. i want those arms. i want her stomach (not the pregnant one lol) . i want her thin face. i will get there.

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